One of the things that makes our travel blog special is we do it daily when on the road. We go to great lengths to find internet access, fight the latency, get a picture uploaded (like the one from Jerusalem, left,) and eeek out a post under dying battery power every 24 hours of travel.

It lets people follow us and, maybe if we do it well, they feel like they are along for the ride. Best of all, we get a more accurate memory of the experience to keep. Memories dissapear soooo quickly, jeeez.

As I’ve shared before, I started the cancer blog because I wanted to make our experience with Trish like a travel adventure. Blogging it seemed natural. But daily posts isn’t appealing for a six month cancer blog, so I settled on a weekly edition.

I’ve mostly kept up, better than I expected to. But it’s toward the end and I’m quite behind. So in this penultimate issue, I am doing three weeks all at once to catch up.

You’re smarter than that, so I won’t lie to you.

You are definitely getting ripped off here.  This issue of the blog is totally not worth what you paid for it and you should complain to management.

(Management, pictured right, has an official response:  STFU)

What’s one more month?

One thing that has made this cancer experience a little different than the ‘typical’ breast cancer experience is that Trish was asked to carry the cancer in her body for six months.  There were good medical reasons for this, but it doesn’t happen often.  Doctors were concerned about the size of the lump and wanted to make the mastectomy easier.  So, they scheduled chemotherapy first, and do the surgery last.

But the psychological burden was a thousand times more difficult this way.  Every time Trish looked in the mirror, the lump, which was visible to the naked eye, would stare back at her.  Her body was a battleground between the lump and the chemo for six months and she knew it.

Even more important, we would know.  We would know what the deal is.   Will our family have a wife and mom in a few years?  Waiting another month to find that out is agonizing.

Cancerpalooza in Purgatory

So, no, it’s not just another month to wait. Aside from the early shock and worry, these are the hardest days of the whole saga.  At least the chemotherapy at least gave us something to tackle, a problem to solve, a cause to fight.

This is purgatory, even though things look okay from the outside. Trish gets better each day as the chemo wears off.  Her hair begins tome come back in patchy bits.  School is in full swing and my work life is busy as ever.  Trish even gets back to work a little bit.  Things appear to be returning to ‘normal’.

But they aren’t.  We’re awaiting the judgement.  So only thing to do is re-start cancerpalooza and extend this adventure.

Do you like the Mid-atlantic?

But it’s not the richest area for natural beauty, let’s be honest. It’s just nice. There isn’t much visual drama unless you count West Virginia or upper New York State, which is a stretch. And, yeah the Cheasapeake is a cool ecosystem, but hard to appreciate at a human scale.

The worst is that the most beautiful resource, the mid-atlantic beaches are overgrown and cheesy, better fodder for MTV contempt, than wonder and excitement.

Kickin’ Assateague

On it’s narrow strip of sand are clean beaches, salt marshes, dunes and thin pine forests. It’s got tons of birds, having originally been created as an avian migratory refuge.

And the ponies. The ponies are amazing. The island is populated by a now wild bunch of (originally) domesticated horses that are reputed to have been the only survivors of a Spanish Galleon shipwreck off the coast here. They roam freely and can be aggressive, having no fears of humans.

Camp sites on Assateague island are abundant. There drive-in state campgrounds and walk-in national campgrounds both require reservations early.

Reserve ahead, especially in May and October, when the mosquitos are gone.

Continued, so read on!

Related posts:

1. Week #16 : Blood, Buttercream, and Boobies: Ingredients of a Cancer-Killing Extravaganza
2. Weeks 25-34: A Post-Cancer World (1 of 2)
3. Weeks 35-42: A post-cancer world (2 of 2)

The one-two punch combo of dance class and office work is her show of defiance to the cancer and chemotherapy. She does it even though it hurts.  But she knows it’s more important to do it than to do it perfectly, so she goes and tries her best.   And it helps get her ready for for two more glorious weeks of Cancerpalooza before she takes the poision again.

Boobie cake:

But the highlight was dessert a carrot cake decorated with ‘FU Cancer’ on the top and tiny little titties.  Kasey and Betty tell us a hilarious story of a shocked bakery clerk at the Whole Foods who didn’t quite understand their special request for the carrot cake decoration.   The ‘F U Cancer’ lettering was easy enough, but asking her to draw boobies took more time.   HA HA. And she made them sooo small – she obviously doesn’t know the size of Trish’s rack either.

One the one hand, breast cancer is ultra-serious and the consequences possibly tragic. On the other hand, it needs some levity, and there is power in being able to laugh at it.   I found the internet buzz about the ‘I will Survive’ dance by a survivor of the concentration camps to be interesting because, about a much greater tragedy than even breast cancer, it explores the concepts of horror, respect and the power of laughter.

A great check-up from the surgeon.

We roll up to the medical center that has been our second home this summer and walk into the offices of Dr. Katherine Alley, Trish’s cancer surgeon.  We haven’t seen her in a few months. Our last visit was kinda frightening because she grimaced when she felt the lump and said ‘Wow, that’s not good.”

That was also when she instructed Trish to get chemotherapy first, which was not what we wanted because we thought it psychologically comforting to get the lump out as quickly as possible. That visit was depressing.

This time we have high hopes at this check up, because to our eye the lump got smaller over the first four treatments – significantly smaller, in fact. But what matters is her professional opinion, so we hold our breath as the tall doctor places her hand on Trish’s naked breast and feels her up.

After massaging around for a good 30 seconds, she said breathlessly, “this feels really good!.” (Ruh Roh. My boy-brain is having trouble trouble staying focused on the medical procedure.) Dr, Alley went on, “the lump is much softer and smaller.  This will make the surgery so much easier. These are very good results from the first 4 treatments.”

Awesome! At least the horrible poision is doing it’s job. And we still have to more doses to kill it.

Planning for the Mastectomy

in her office, Dr. Alley walks us through the preliminary schedule for the surgery.   Four weeks after the last chemo treatment (the end of September), Trish will have six hours of operation performed by two surgeons, Dr. Alley the cancer surgeon and a plastic surgeon.    Assuming there are no complications, she will need two nights in the hospital followed by 4-6 weeks of recovery (but not bedrest – Trish will be up and about.)

The mastectomy, is a modified radical because they are taking lymph nodes too – perhaps 12-14, but they won’t know for sure how many until they get in there and look during the surgery. Dr. Alley is optimistic that she will not need to take all the nodes in the arm, which dramatically decreases the long term risk of Lymphedema, an uncomfortable, unsightly swelling of the arm or leg because lymphatic fluid can’t drain properly.

So for those of you that suggested she get one B-cup and one DD-cup to accommodate different needs, or a trio of boobs (if two are good, three must be better, right?) – you are out of luck. Insurance will only cover symmetrical boob replacements. We are still investigating if four boobs would be covered, one DD-set for my boy-brain and one B set that needs no bra ever.

Please register your vote for the size of her new rack on our facebook page ‘Trish’s Boob Page – Go big or Go home’

We celebrate the great news by buying some awesome knee-high. suede purple boots and a swimsuit (above).  I know right? It takes a lotta’ woman to pull those boots off, but if she is anything, she is a lotta’ woman.   Naturally she gets all the attention from the male help as she tries them on.

Mother-daughter dance with Helen Hayes.

Helen and I arranged to use the time for a monther/daughter dance session that is finally here! Everyone has been excited to do this,

The Joy of Motion new Bethesday studios are mostly empty this evening and we pick the biggest room. Helen takes the girls and Trish through some warm-ups. True to their personalities, Emma stays tightly focused and Lily is a little distracted. But both settle in once the initial stretching is done and the dances start.

There are three or four routines they do, each one displays different techniques that Emma and Lily pick up with ease. They are all so beautiful. Trish is beaming broadly the entire time, and is thrilled and touched to be doing modern dance with her girls. And Helen is completely enjoying herself.

There have been a lot of things in Cancerpalooza that Trish has liked, but she was really appreciative and graetful for this one. It was special, not just because of the activity, but because of Helen, who made this a really touching, meaningful event. Helen does some amazing work with kids at Joy of Motion, and was recently featured at the White House with her kids doing a great piece from Hairspray.

Ten thousand calories of butter

Tonight I’ve struck out entirely, and we have reservations at Citronelle, which have to be made a month in advance.  I bargain with the parents of Emma and Lily’s best friend from down the street to swap sleep-overs.  It works out and we quickly get dressed.

Citronelle is supposed to be one of the best restaurants in DC.   We’ve been meaning to go for years, and it’s testament to Michael Richard’s determination that it has remained great for a decade or maybe more.

Outside it’s bright and hot, but the inside is dark even at 6pm.  There are no windows, it’s a basement dining room.   Trish looks amazing in her gold Louboutins and her flapper costume jewelry.  The jaded hostess tells her she looks hot.

The first plate of the 10 course degustation comes served in a carved eggshell with a little egg salad, and a cool, creamy asparagus soup (right). Tasting menu courses that follow include pea and crab soup, soft-shell crab, seared halibut, a lobster slider, shortribs and a few others plus cheese and dessert.

But by course five we are feeling a little heavy.  The protein with cream/butter sauce pattern is too repetitive and too much.   Every dish is a piece of fish or meat with a cream and butter sauce.  I wonder if the dinner comes with a complimentary angioplasty.

I know it’s French, but it’s also contemporary cuisine and in 10 courses there is easily space for a vegetable or two, even a (shocker!) a salad to break up the heavy.  In truth, for the money, we probably won’t go back soon but it is certainly a fine restaurant and we’ve enjoyed every one of the ten thousand calories we ingested.

It’s 3 am and Trish says she has to get some sleep. As the birds begin their morning chirp and i doze off, I think about how much I love my wife. She’s my best friend.

Corduroy and Dance Place

Courduroy is the kind of place that would fit any occasion, high-brow or low, fussy or not. You won’t be challenged by the food though.  It’s accessable and fantastic to any palatte. We will definitely come back.

Kids and Cancer

Emma struggles a little this week. She is uncharacteristically angry (punching Lily, who probably deserved it) and having tiny tantrums, both things she never does.  When I talk with her, she can’t put words to her feelings, and I don’t press her.  It could be a number of things; the cancer, her best friend is moving away, or tween hormones.

Our family event for the week is Mary Poppins at the Kennedy Center.  This was one of the hardest tickets to get in DC and we are fairly far back, but good enough to see.  I won’t spend a long time on the review.  We all thought it was terrible.  Oh well, not everything is great, and we have a huge week of fun ahead of us to look forward to.

101 surprises

56)    Citronelle: Beautiful, delicious and too much of a good thing.

57)   Mary Poppins: Um, yeah.  Sorry about that kids.

58)   Contribution to JoM: I made a thousand dollar contribution to Joy of Motion in honor of Trish and Helen.  Supporting local arts is so worthwhile.

59)   Sam Edelman Purple Boots: Can’t wait to see how she wears these.

60)   Dance Place performance and Corduroy: Local DC people do great stuff.  Will go back to both definitely.

Related posts:

1. Week #8: Making cancer a family adventure
2. Week # 2: You’re going to wish you had cancer too!
3. Cancer Week #21: The End of Cancerpalooza: Slash, death and diamonds.

We take naps too.  Trish doesn’t nap every day, but she is increasingly fatigued.  Chemotherapy degenerates the body over time, and it gets tired trying to rebuild the healthy cells.   And as her red blood cell counts get lower, her muscles and organs get less and less oxygen.

The costs of cancerpalooza

The somewhat obvious problem with cancerpalooza is that it’s expensive.  I got my first credit card bill today and took a hard gulp.  It was three or four times our usual spending.  Yikes.

Is Cancerpalooza worth the money?  I think so.  Yeah, we’ll have to use up a bunch of our reserves and savings.  And it’s true, tickets to OzzFest aren’t exactly an emergency expense.  But Cancerpalooza is an opportunity to smack one of life’s harder pitches out of the park.  And that’s a pretty good way to spend your emergency money.

Of course, I have a good job, and we carry no debt outside of our home.  We were in a financially sound position to spend this kind of money before this started.  For that, we are grateful.  We know that not everyone has the kind of resources we have.   And I’ve managed the finances pretty well.

Singing ‘Freebird’ in the back of the carpeted van.

Trish is only 5 years older than me, but there is almost a generational difference in developmental environments. She is from small farm town in Northern California that felt rooted in the high-flying, cheesy, arena-rock,  late 70′s.  I was in the suburbs and boroughs of New York City in the disaffected, insolent, hardcore, mid-80′s.  If her experience is like Dazed and Confused, mine was more like Repo Man.

One of the reasons we are so in love with each other is we have similar taste in music: classics like Metallica, X, and Green Day, as well as lesser known stuff like Spiderbait, Local H and Teddybears.

that generational difference shows up in our musical tastes, because she loves, and I mostly dislike, ‘Southern Rock’.  And so I offer the court my most compelling evidence of true, unselfish love to my wife:  I bought her right-up-front tickets to Lynyrd Skynyrd (and .38 special, OMGWTF) for an outdoor arena show at the rediculously named ‘Jiffy Lube Live’ pavilion in Manassas Virginia.  Case closed, amirite?.

Trish spent several of her teen years driving a wood-paneled van with carpeting and a dirty mattress.  (Really, Trish? That’s so gross.) around the dusty, dry, Sonoma county apple orchards.  (There were very few grapes back then.)  The van had two 8-track tapes; the Rolling Stones ‘Hot Rocks’ and Lynyrd Skynyrd ‘One More from the Road’ on which, Ronniue Van Zant historically asks the crowd “What song is it you wanna hear?’  and they yell back  ’Freebird’!

In the end, I have to admit that Skynyrd puts on a fun show, full of lively hits.  And it does feel special even though there is only one remaining member from the glory days.

Cancer divides the family

Cancer, the bitch, tries to divide our family.  Between Trish’s chemotherapy brown-outs and her diminished capacity to deal with stuff, she has a harder time connecting with the girls (and me).  They understand that on an intellectual level, and are very supportive, but of course being seven and ten (and 42), they still need their mom (and wife).

It’s hard on us all.  I often feel like there are two families I’m managing:  the one with Trisha, and the one with my daughters.    With camps and the medical schedule, it’s really easy to not do things together as a family, so I’ve been making sure that one day a week we do a big adventure, like Six Flags last week.

The Creekmore Circus

Trish and I did it the first time at the ultra-hot Club-Med Mexico (Ixtapa) in 2003, right before her last breast cancer. We both loved flying, although I didn’t love it enough to make the trips up to Baltimore.  Trish has been going regularly and does awesome on the high-flying rig.

Then, last year, the TSNY Trapeze school opened up an awesome facility near the Nationals stadium on the waterfront in South East and Trish has been doing even better including an awesome show the week she was diagnosed.

Last time Lily went she was 3, and climbed up the ladder but didn’t swing.  She’s still afraid of fish, bugs and thunder, but not of heights! She jumps right off the 25-foot platform and swings with little hesitation.  It takes her most of the class to get used to the way the physics of trapeze feel on the body, but she does great.

When we travel, we often do ‘Kid Reporter’ sequences where I film them reporting to us about their experience. Here are a few of the best: Luxor, Egypt (with the ‘side-monkey’),Venice,  and Petra, Jordan. Lily picked up the Flip Video herself and did play-by-play of Emma trying the catch.  It’s absolutely hilarious.
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The H-street Corridor

After Trapeze we hang out at one of the best coffee shops in DC with lots of space and free Wifi, sample amazing (but expensive) pies at Dangerous Pies. The H-street country club is not well-reviewed for it’s food but they do have an indoor mini-golf course that’s really fun.  Do like we do today, and get there right at 5:00pm, because it fills up fast and the course is much more fun when it’s empty.

The H-street NE corridor has a lot more to offer, but we are exhausted. Trapeze really makes the body feel tired and we head home for a quiet night.

Girls at the spa

They both make small talk, but the conversation is halting and tentative.  It’s obvious that they are itching to find out where they were going for the day. Okay, I’ve made them wait long enough.

It’s a spa day! Jodi and Trish are going together for a girls spa day at one of DC’s top (maybe the top) spa at the Mandarin Oriental hotel. It’s a beautiful space, particularly the water room with colored steam jets and an ‘experience’ shower with crazy settings like ‘Hurricaine’, ‘Forest Mist’ and ‘Tropical Rain.’  All the services are well designed and multi-faceted.  (You get your choice of music, aromatherapy scents etc…

For the Mandarin Oriental, it’s a relative bargain for about $30 each.  You could get a manicure, do the spa shower and water room and the afternoon tea for about $100 if you wanted.  Check it out someday.

These two are very, very close friends but neither one picks up the phone to talk to the other one. I wanted them to get some time together, and they sure got it today. Both looked very happy (and beautiful) when they got back.

101 Surprises: Half way to 101

I may be running out of cash, but not ideas.  This week was all about surprise.

• 46)   Lynard Skynard: ‘See Freebird before they all die.’  Check.
• 47)   Glam Necklace: This thing is gorgeous on her.  It’s super heavy too.
• 48)   Family day: I surprised the whole family with our Trapeze/Mini-Golf/Sushi/Tatar-tots day.
• 49)   20-pack trapeze: I really want Trish to keep doing Trapeze this summer so I bought her a 20-pack of classes to stay motivated.
• 50)   Spa day: Who wouldn’t like a spa day with your BFF?  Everyone should go at least once.  It’s a beautiful space.

Related posts:

1. Week # 13: Does butter help kill cancer?
2. Week #8: Making cancer a family adventure
3. Week # 7 Big hair and Big emotions: the stress gets to us.

We wanted to travel the globe with our daughters if Trish got better.

And she did.  And we went.

In 2007 we spent a month in Paris and Kiev (not blogged, unfortunately). A year ago this month, we were in the Middle East on an epic 4 week trip. We followed up with 2.5 weeks in the Yucatan over Christmas, and then Italy over Easter for 2 weeks.

(For new readers following Trish’s cancer, our blog is actually a travel blog hijacked by cancer. Take a look at our travel stuff too. We blog live, daily on the road, capturing the fun and mishaps of a family travelling to exotic places.)

This was supposed to be the summer where we went to China, Thailand, Vietnam and Japan for a month but cancer fucked that plan up pretty good. Cancer can’t stop us from making an adventure out of it. We just won’t be getting on any planes.

Can her heart take it?

Week one, where they administer the drugs is always terrible.  Week two is okay usually, but not always.  Week three she feels great.

Today we are at Suburban Hospital and they want to test her heart, because this type of chemotherapy (TAC) weakens the heart muscles.  If she drops 10% below her baseline, or 50% total they have to stop chemotherapy entirely, which would be a big problem.   The procedure is pretty easy.  She lies down and listens to classical music while they listen to her heart flow.

The results are good!  She can continue the treatment.

Schools out for summer!

Emma and Lily did great this year. Lily handled her daily, long bus ride admirably. Next year they will be in 2nd and 5th grades, in adjacent but different schools.

This summer will be different from the past few, obviously. We won’t do any travel. And we also aren’t doing full-day camps.  Many of the camps were booked by the time we had to re-plan the summer. We found them spots for a few weeks in a theater camp, and grandma will keep them for three weeks in August. (Thank you, Grammie.)

An entertaining Ballet

Our intention was to eat on the waterfront in Georgetown, but the traffic forces us to grab food at the Kennedy Center cafe, which is expensive but convenient.

Emma and Lily love to get dressed up, and the Kennedy Center is packed with people, a lot of whom admire the cute girls. They love the show, but it gets a little late for Lily who passes out in my arms.

The Suzanne Farrell Ballet contrasted the first with 60′s modern styles by Balanchine and Stravinsky, and the North Carolina Dance Theatre danced to a live bluegrass band on-stage. It was thoroughly enjoyable.

The Myth of the Super-Patient

Friends, whose wifes have had breast cancer, have told me that their wives became energized through their cancer treatment; handling medical management, working full time and otherwise leading a ‘normal’ life.

I saw this kind of reaction from Trish in 2005 when she had the cancer the first time. She powered through most of the experience.  I think she thought that being ‘normal’ would help her get through it.

I’d be completely wrong to judge anyone else’s way of dealing with cancer. If it works for you, then do it. But the second time around, Trish and I are learning how wrong the ‘normal life’ approach was for us. Cancer isn’t usual, it requires an unusual response: like Cancerpalooza

Our summer adventure with cancer.

I joked at the beginning of the cancer blogs that Trish and I would have so much fun this summer, we’d make you wish you had cancer too. Have we convinced you yet? If not, stay tuned. Cancerpalooza has only begun.

So yeah, the right response for us is the make this horrible experience an adventure. No, we can’t go to China and sleep overnight on the Great Wall, but we can have a great time here in Washington D.C.  In fact, we’ve always neglected the great stuff we can do locally, and I’m impressed with how much the region has to offer.

The events of Cancerpalooza take Trish’s worried mind off the (potentially lethal) consequences of recurrent stage-two cancer, and are vibrant and exciting enough to send a ‘fuck You’ to the malignant lump.    Not only are we going to kick cancer’s ass, but we are going to have an epic time doing it.

Continued, so read on!

Related posts:

1. Week # 13: Does butter help kill cancer?
2. Week # 2: You’re going to wish you had cancer too!
3. Planning the Family Travel Adventure to Asia

Then the dot-coms blew up and fuel costs rose. Airlines got stingy with vouchers. Airlines stopped overselling seats as much. No one gives anything anymore if it’s weather or air traffic controls’ fault. We haven’t seen a voucher for 10 years – until today.

Baltimore-Washington isn’t the best airport, but it’s a easy one to navigate and the prices are good. Our flights to Cancun are on AirTran, the current name of ValueJet airlines, infamous for the plane crash in 1996 that killed 105 people. AirTran’s prices are cheap, cheap, cheap – these tickets are $330 roundtrip direct. And they have blow-up palm trees!

We arrive a little later than recommended. At the check-in counter we are conspicuously told that seats could not be assigned: a very bad sign. Through security to the gate, I find out the flight is indeed oversold and we are not likely to get on the plane. But they are offering TWO free tickets per person to volunteer off the flight and go tomorrow. It wasn’t a hard decision, especially since we were very unlikely to get seats anyway. We now own EIGHT free round-trip tickets anywhere Air Tran flies – which is admittedly not a lot of places. But still! EIGHT! Trish and I are already planning the next trips. Surfing in San Diego? Scuba diving in Bonaire?

Back to reality. Trish gets on the phone to rearrange our hotel and car in Mexico. Expedia customer service does a great job changing our reservations. We could go back to our house, but we hate doing that because it’s a downer once you think you’ve started vacation. So I find a hotel near the Airport and we decide to take a trip into Baltimore to visit Port Discovery, the kids museum.

Hyatt has a new chain called Hyatt Place, which is a weird combo of boutique, business and budget motel. They bought the Ameri-suites chain and improved them with high-tech rooms, limited 24-hour food service, free internet and in our case, a pool. We’re paying $90, so it’s not ultra-cheap but still a very good deal and we get Hyatt points.

The last time we were at Port Discovery Lily was a baby and Emma, three. Kids museums always disappoint us. The exhibits are often broken (by kids, of course) and they tend to be madhouses. PD is definitely a good one, but it’s more fun-oriented than educational. (Our favorite educational one is in Bristol, England.)

We enjoyed it. The center section has a three story climbing apparatus with rope bridges, ladders and crawl spaces barely big enough to fit an adult. The Egyptian section was a hoot even though it was completely inauthentic.

The only bad part of the day was lousy food. McDonald’s for lunch and Ruby Tuesdays for dinner is a poor way to start vacation. But as you’ve read elsewhere, we don’t travel with kids for the cuisine. The dinner highlight was Emma’s surprised exclamation as she did the kids’ menu word-search puzzle: “I found an inappropriate word! ‘ASS!’”

The Baltimore – Washington area’s gravity kept us in orbit one more day. But we got some loot and had fun. Tomorrow we try again to blast off to Mexico.

No related posts.